Monday, September 5, 2011
You Are a Self-Satisfying Needs Machine
- The low road first asks and then demands that the other person change (regardless of how this might affect their satisfaction) so that you can feel okay.
- The high road steps outside the feeling of dissatisfaction and traces it back to its real origins: what this means to you: discovering what the missing satisfaction is about. Somehow, touching into the satisfaction which exists within you, even just momentarily frees you from the victim role - the idea that drives so much of our unhappiness - that other people are boorishly withholding our only chance at happiness.
Thus freed from the blind-puppy-lapping-at-its-bitch's-teat-for-survival view of relationship, two changes miraculously happen:
1. We become not only relaxed and stress-free, we suddenly become amazingly articulate about what it is we actually want; and…
2. The other person appears before us, as if by magic, with their own desires and needs, which we now have the resource and curiosity and actual desire to include in the conversation.
That conversation, by the way, is not only fun to have; it creates connection and intimacy, even if none of the issues are resolved!
Because although your mind would refuse to accept this thought anywhere along the low road - the issue (the laundry, the tooth-paste tube, whatever) that you were convinced needed to be resolved and were further convinced that only the resolution of that issue would bring about your happiness - was never what this was about at all.
Satisfaction, serenity, stresslessness - are available without the outside world changing one iota. You are a self-satisfying machine.
And as such, you can be a delight to be around for other self-satisfying machines.